This weekend I'll have been away from home and at University for exactly one month. Typing it, it feels like the time has gone by so quickly, but the past month has honestly been one of the toughest I have ever faced.
Before I moved away from home I thought to myself that studying a degree and living away from home would be a lot easier than it has actually been. I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew how much of a challenge it would be, but as the time was nearing I was refusing to let myself think of the negatives relating to this experience. I wanted to be positive and I tried...for the most part.
As the past couple of weeks since I last blogged have gone by I've acknowledged that it's ok for me to not be ok, it's ok and completely normal for me to feel upset and at times, like I want to give up and go home. I mean let's face it, this is a huge deal. It's all good and well thinking that I can handle studying a degree and living on my own, but until I was actually put in that situation did I realise that I didn't have everything together (mentally and emotionally) as much as I thought I would.
Now that I'm starting to form some kind of routine I am realising that I can, will and want to do this. I still have days where I feel homesick, lonely and generally confused, but the more I'm feeling like that the more I'm realising that I am not the only one feeling this way and that I should use those negative thoughts and feeling to motivate me and push through, which I do try and do.
I feel fortunate that I'm so attached to my home because it only shows how important the people that are there are to me and it has been hard for me to comprehend that those people are there and I'm not. I've begun this new chapter on my own, although they're all very much a part of it, they aren't physically here and so for the most part, I am on my own, which has done and probably will continue to scare and worry me until I'm completely used to it.
The idea of having to get used to so many things is quite daunting, but at some point we all have to grow up and move on and now's my time to do that. I know I'm ready, I've been ready for a while but now that it's all happening, I feel as though I'm not. I know it's because I'm going through the adjustment period and I'm sure (I definitely hope), that by Christmas I'll feel differently.
Last week my boyfriend Scott came to visit me for a couple of days and I was so excited to not only see him, but to have interaction with someone from home in person. We spent an evening wandering round Leciester Square and Covent Garden with cake and hot chocolate and it was beautiful. The following day we visited the Natural History Museum, Trafalgar Square and went out for lunch. I was so grateful for the time I got to spend with him and for how much he cheered me up.
The more exploring that I do of the city in which I'm living the more certain I am that this was the right choice. Everything I've dreamnt of and more is literally right on my doorstep, I just need to push myself to go and seek the opportunities that I know are out there and I'm sure that will come with time.
My wonderful Mum is coming to visit my sister and I this weekend and I am so looking forward to it. To think that I've not seen my own Mum in a month is mental, but it makes me appreciate her so much more and make the time that I'll get to spend with her really special.
Soon it'll be reading week and I am keeping on top of all my work best I can, but after that week the deadlines for my first few essays and presentations won't be far off and although I'm sure I'll get stressed, I just need to have a clear mind and stay positive...or try to at least.
I am beyond excited to go home for that week to visit my family!
On the whole, I am feeling much more positive and although it can and will be difficult at times I just need to make the most of this experience because I know that the end result will pay off.
Dotty
X
Before I moved away from home I thought to myself that studying a degree and living away from home would be a lot easier than it has actually been. I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew how much of a challenge it would be, but as the time was nearing I was refusing to let myself think of the negatives relating to this experience. I wanted to be positive and I tried...for the most part.
As the past couple of weeks since I last blogged have gone by I've acknowledged that it's ok for me to not be ok, it's ok and completely normal for me to feel upset and at times, like I want to give up and go home. I mean let's face it, this is a huge deal. It's all good and well thinking that I can handle studying a degree and living on my own, but until I was actually put in that situation did I realise that I didn't have everything together (mentally and emotionally) as much as I thought I would.
Now that I'm starting to form some kind of routine I am realising that I can, will and want to do this. I still have days where I feel homesick, lonely and generally confused, but the more I'm feeling like that the more I'm realising that I am not the only one feeling this way and that I should use those negative thoughts and feeling to motivate me and push through, which I do try and do.
I feel fortunate that I'm so attached to my home because it only shows how important the people that are there are to me and it has been hard for me to comprehend that those people are there and I'm not. I've begun this new chapter on my own, although they're all very much a part of it, they aren't physically here and so for the most part, I am on my own, which has done and probably will continue to scare and worry me until I'm completely used to it.
The idea of having to get used to so many things is quite daunting, but at some point we all have to grow up and move on and now's my time to do that. I know I'm ready, I've been ready for a while but now that it's all happening, I feel as though I'm not. I know it's because I'm going through the adjustment period and I'm sure (I definitely hope), that by Christmas I'll feel differently.
Last week my boyfriend Scott came to visit me for a couple of days and I was so excited to not only see him, but to have interaction with someone from home in person. We spent an evening wandering round Leciester Square and Covent Garden with cake and hot chocolate and it was beautiful. The following day we visited the Natural History Museum, Trafalgar Square and went out for lunch. I was so grateful for the time I got to spend with him and for how much he cheered me up.
Scott & I
The more exploring that I do of the city in which I'm living the more certain I am that this was the right choice. Everything I've dreamnt of and more is literally right on my doorstep, I just need to push myself to go and seek the opportunities that I know are out there and I'm sure that will come with time.
My wonderful Mum is coming to visit my sister and I this weekend and I am so looking forward to it. To think that I've not seen my own Mum in a month is mental, but it makes me appreciate her so much more and make the time that I'll get to spend with her really special.
My Mum, sister & I
Soon it'll be reading week and I am keeping on top of all my work best I can, but after that week the deadlines for my first few essays and presentations won't be far off and although I'm sure I'll get stressed, I just need to have a clear mind and stay positive...or try to at least.
I am beyond excited to go home for that week to visit my family!
On the whole, I am feeling much more positive and although it can and will be difficult at times I just need to make the most of this experience because I know that the end result will pay off.
Dotty
X
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