As the global pandemic continues to rule most of our lives; keeping us apart and struggling to comprehend this `new normal`, I've been thinking a lot about all the changes that have come my way this year, good and bad. I think it's only normal that during a time such as this one, we can find ourselves thinking about all the worst case scenarios; what will be, rather than what should have been, we question whether we're making the right decisions and what right actually is. Should I send my child to school? Should I work from home? Should I continue shielding? These are just some of the thoughts bubbling through the minds of so many of us. The truthful answer to all of these questions is and can only be, the one each individual deems right.
Back to the topic of change. I, like many other Uni students, was supposed to graduate this year and this month in fact was when that momentous occasion was due to take place. Unfortunately, the corona virus robbed us of this opportunity and not having the ending we had all hoped for has made the transition from student to working adult a little bit unsettling. There was no definitive cut off point. It was just student and then employed. Whilst I feel very fortunate to have been given a job that falls perfectly in line with my career plans, this hasn't necessarily been the case for all graduates.
Like all third year undergrad students, I entered the new year freaking out at the fact that we had a matter of months to go and then that would be it. Instead, what we endured was months of uncertainty. Face to face teaching moved to online, we had very minimal access to resources and were all full of doubt that we would even make it to the end. It just felt impossible. How were we supposed to complete an online literary magazine without physically being in the same classroom? How were we supposed to write our final essays without the close support and guidance we had always been guaranteed? Somehow, we all did it. Somehow, we all made it to the finish line and still, even now, it is one of the biggest achievements in my life so far. To be honest, because of the uncertainty and the fact I only had myself pulling me through, it feels like a far bigger achievement than it would have been had I finished it under normal circumstances.
It might sound strange, but even now I don't feel like I've fully earnt the right to call myself a graduate. Yes, I completed a degree. Yes, I worked so incredibly hard, just like those who had graduated before me. Yes, I probably do deserve the right to call myself a graduate. However, because I didn't have the big ending I had imagined, none of it really feels real. There was no significant thing that closed the chapter. I got my certificate in the post and this month, in honour of it being our graduation, I was sent a rather rubbish `Class of 2020` cardboard hat from my Uni. Nothing like rubbing our faces in it! At least the cat enjoyed playing with it!
I guess what I'm trying to say is that without the planned ending of such a significant achievement in my life, it feels like that part of it never really ended. I didn't get to have the proper goodbye and celebration I so desperately wanted with my friends, I didn't get to move out of my flat in the way I had imagined - I just returned four months after not living there, packed up my stuff and left again and I didn't get to complete my list of all the things I wanted to do whilst still living in London.
Moving on from the graduation, or lack of graduation...I feel so incredibly sorry for my fellow creative graduates. Seeing how much the creative arts industry has been struggling during the pandemic has been absolutely horrible. We all rely on entertainment, in multiple forms to get us through daily life and especially during this dark time, turning to the arts is where a lot of us have felt safe because we've been able to escape to another world; one less dark and scary. I've had tickets cancelled several times for the same shows because there is no safe way for them to be performed right now and whilst that's been frustrating because of how eager I am to see these productions, I can only imagine the frustration the casts of these shows and the theatres themselves are going through.
My sister's dancing journey has come to a complete halt. She completed her degree at LABAN and finished it online like I did. I know what you're thinking, she finished a dance degree online, HOW? I'm still dumbfounded at this too. Since her Uni departure has been so unstable, her hunt for work like so many others has not been easy. With the arts industry coming to a standstill, her want and need to train is not being met and her beginning of a career in the dance world feels to her like it will never happen.
Back in the summer, when the lockdown restrictions had started to ease, she took part in a socially distant dance video which a friend of ours choreographed. All the dancers who participated were literally racing against the sun to get the perfect footage. I had the pleasure of being present on the last day of filming and got to see the whole piece come together. After months filled with a lack of human touch and contact, it really lifted my spirts to see a group of friends doing what they love as a team. Amy Petts (https://www.facebook.com/amypettschoreography) who choreographed the whole piece stated in a video where she was explaining the purpose of the dance and what it meant in relation to lockdown that `we are dance`. Without dance, dancers don't feel fully themselves. I think everyone can relate to this, especially to those in the arts industry who are fuelled by what they love. I can say that for me, without the ability to write, I would feel empty. Whilst those whose lives are committed to the arts are struggling, I imagine that they are feeling somewhat stripped of their identities and I can't even imagine having to stop doing what I love because rules and regulations dictate that it must be so.
"What Am I" Jordan Mackampa - Amy Petts Choreography
I hope that somehow, someway we make it out the other side of this soon.
`The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain` - Dolly Parton
Sending love to everyone,
Dotty
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